So You're Thinking About Moving In Together

  • You've been dating for a while, one of you spends all of your time over at his or her apartment anyway, and it seems silly to pay rent when you could just share a space and be together all the time. Congratulations.

    Alex Wise a a certified relationship coach and co-founder of Loveawake dating site ( shared this checklist. Check it out if you want any prayer of this actually working.


    1) Who Brings What and Who Throws Out What?


    One person living in an apartment is very different from two.  Even if you think you've stripped down your life to the bare essentials, you'll still be shifting a lot of crap.  So decide ahead of time what you're keeping and what you're putting on Freecycle, and weed out your media: take books to the used bookstore, rip and sell your CDs, rip and sell your movies, and so on.  If you have a huge collection of something, consider selling part of it or putting some of it in storage somewhere.


    2) How Are You Decorating?


    Trust me, this will come up, even if you both say you don't care.  Oh, you'll care all right, when they make a decision you don't like.  So avoid fights and agree early on on what is and isn't acceptable and where it's acceptable.  And no, neither of you is allowed to take over almost the entire apartment and leave one tiny space for the other to express themselves.


    3) Who's Paying For What?


    You both need bills in your name: when establishing identity for, say, local government, it's important to have that, and it also keeps the financial burden somewhat evenly spread.  Decide ahead of time who's covering what utility.  Otherwise, one person may start to resent the other after they pay $500 in utilities and the other is buying useless crap.


    4) Who's Cleaning What?


    Finally, we come to this discussion, and it's way more important than you may think.

    Nothing, and I mean nothing, ruins a good relationship faster than a passive-aggressive approach to cleaning the apartment.  By which I mean you try to get the other person to do something by not doing it and complaining about how it's not clean.  Spend a week with a person you don't love doing that, and it'll make you homicidal.


    You don't need a carefully laid out Google calendar or anything, but you do need an understanding of what's going to get done and when.  Try to fairly divide daily tasks like doing the dishes and weekly ones, like scrubbing the bathroom.  That way, the place stays clean and you don't resent each other.


    How about you, gentle reader?  Any thoughts on making a move-in work?